Day One, Week One, Month One, Inch One

My first "proper" post - & I went & put it (accidentally & not entirely unembarrassingly) on another bog.

*starts again*

This is the first "proper" post (see above) & what have I been up to today?

Pulling?

Well, yes, certainly. Why else the sudden creation of a blog to help me stop?

I cut my hair. That might sound like a strange thing to do, seeing as I want MORE hair, not less - but it was all uneven.

& I dyed it. Purportedly red - actually redcherrypinkpurplered, which is much better than it said on the tin.

When I went to the shop to buy the dye, I wore a hairband.

I like wearing hairbands because they draw attention away from the hair itself (providing a focal point apart from gaps etc), they make short hair look more pretty, & they help me delineate a minifringe, if I happen to want one (which, today at least, I very much do).

Unfortunately, I have a gaping great hole in the back of my hair. Which I didn't know about. Exactly. That is... I knew I had a gap. I could feel it. But I had absolutely no idea how big it was. Or how thin the hair was around it. Why not? Didn't I look? No, actually. I've gotten into the habit of doing everything with my hair via touch: I cut it via touch, I check the damage via touch (it's less monumentally depressing than looking at it).  So I had no...i...dea.

Does it bother me that I've been wandering around looking like (gulp) THAT? Yes & no - yes because it certainly wasn't intentional & I dislike the idea of the reactions people who don't know me might have to it - no because there have been times (MANY times & OFTEN when I would have done silly & hyperbolical things to have hair even as long as the thing bit. So it's super it's there. It really is.

So what now? I don't feel exactly comfortable going out looking like that. But I don't feel exactly comfortable with not going out until it grows back, either (I mean, I actually MUST, I have things to do).

Well, for now, if I'm out of doors amidst people (the dreaded people, without whose occasionally appallingly brutal responses to my hair loss my hair loss would have been a great deal easier to cope with - it only takes one intentionally or unintentionally hurtful comment to knock my confidence for days, sometimes longer, afterwards - in fact, I still remember the most hurtful things people said to me at school, forheaven'ssakes, which is wildly neurotic of me, & ... unhelpful), I'll just have hat it. But that's alright. I like hats. & it's Hat Weather.